OPINION - The world is so cruel towards women, and Mossel Bay is no different. Every decision we make is neither right nor wrong. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. But regardless, those decisions should still be ours to make.
I recently reported on a dead newborn baby that was discovered in a plastic bag at the Mossel Bay transfer station, among heaps of rubbish.
Reading through some of the comments on the Advertiser's Facebook page below the story of the initial discovery, and later on, below the story highlighting the resources available for women faced with pregnancies they may not be able or do not want to follow through, was proof of this cruelty.
The second story was to educate the public on the options available for women in Mossel Bay, so that instances of child abandonment do not have to occur. However, I think many missed the point.
Before I continue, I would like to state that I am in no way advocating for people to abandon their babies, but rather that the circumstances surrounding the situation or why and how a pregnancy occurs are multifaceted and personal to women.
One person wrote that if women just "closed their flippen legs", this would not have happened. Sure, abstinence is a definite way to avoid falling pregnant, but women do not impregnate themselves, and not every women or girl had the option to abstain.
How quickly we forget that in South Africa, a woman is raped every 12 minutes.
I've read countless articles and heard of several instances from my friends in which men have violated women and girls in schools, at home, in places of work, and in public.
When those experiences are shared in the media, we are often slut-shamed by the public, by both men and women. The comment made about closing our flippen legs is one such example.
One of the resources listed in my second article was an option of where to get an abortion.
Although abortions are legal in South Africa, this is a divisive topic in our society; a frequently recited phrase is "abortion is murder".
But I believe in a woman's right to choose when it comes to making decisions about her body and her future, particularly regarding pregnancy.
No one gets an abortion for fun. It is an incredibly difficult decision to make and one that can stem from the most traumatic of experiences.
Under South Africa's Choice on Termination of Pregnancy Act, the decision to terminate a pregnancy rests solely with the pregnant woman.
It is a personal choice that will only affect her; only she will go through the procedure and deal with the mental and physical aftermath.
And sometimes, even though she planned to continue her pregnancy and raise her baby in the future, it is a necessary medical procedure when the pregnancy is life-threatening to the mother.
I think we've forgotten how serious a condition pregnancy actually is - dying during or as a result of childbirth is a very real possibility. It is a risk, one that could literally kill you.
I've heard claims that women use women's rights, particularly the choice to terminate a pregnancy, as a way out of a situation they supposedly regret. I've heard the same comment made about women who report a rape.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
We are all entitled to our own opinions, but I can't help but notice how many of those opinions are rooted in misogyny and wanting to punish women for their choices, and which are not actually true.
It's almost as if we're OK with women suffering as long as they have fulfilled their maternal 'duty', ignoring her needs and what might be best for her, physically and mentally.
Fearmongering leads to making uninformed decisions and won't actually stop an abortion or sexual activity from taking place; this will still happen, but in more dangerous, life-threatening and/or illegal ways.
Comprehensive sex education that encourages safe sex, consent, different methods of contraception, how it works and where to access it, and all the available options for possibly not wanting to become a parent I consider to be a necessity.
In one of my articles, I listed the reasons why someone might decide to abandon their baby.
These included poverty, circumstances in the home, societal stigma, trauma, shame, fear and desperation. We'll likely never know the exact circumstances that led to that woman deciding to abandon her baby.
It could've been a scared teenage girl, a woman who became pregnant as a result of a rape, a woman living in poverty who knows she cannot properly support that child, or a woman or girl living in a violent home who chose not to terminate her pregnancy, but knew that she did not want to bring a child into that danger.
But women should not have to suffer first for a decision they make about their own bodies to be considered justifiable. Some women know they do not want children or do not want to be pregnant, and that is reason enough.
Children are one of the most vulnerable groups in our society. They deserve to be brought into a loving and safe home, where they can be properly cared for and know they are wanted.
I wish the authors of some of the Advertiser's Facebook comments would extend a bit of grace not just to children, but to women as well.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this article are those of the author. They do not purport to reflect the opinions or views of Group Editors and its publications.
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