Women's conference a hit

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MOSSEL BAY NEWS - Three dynamic speakers and an eloquent hostess had attendees hanging on their every word during a women's seminar held at the Santos Express conference venue on Saturday, 11 May, the day before Mother's Day.

The annual conference was well attended. It addressed issues such as loss, grief, divorce, being a single parent and self image.

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Amazingly, one of the speakers said it was the funeral of her son five years ago, to the day and another speaker said it was her husband's funeral, six years ago, also on the exact same day. Her husband committed suicide.

Grieving
In her address, Bonani Mkhize, an architect and business owner, said that after her son died, she realised that grieving was appropriate for a time, but if it went on too long, it became sin. She realised she had grieved long enough and then asked the Lord to take away the pain that remained.

The conference, organised and hosted in her private capacity by Berenice Kogana, who works for Mossel Bay Municipality, was titled: It's better to be whole than perfect. Berenice is a part-time host on radio station, EdenFM.

Legal adviser Meagan Wolhuter said that the day her husband committed suicide she felt as if "the flesh was being ripped from my body". But she realised that although it felt her flesh was being ripped off, God was putting on a new garment and on her knees was the right place to be. "God saw me when I sat on the kitchen floor and wept," she said.

She had been someone who had liked to be in control and as a lawyer, had given women advice about marriage. But after her husband's suicide she learnt she had to trust God completely. "You need to relinquish control," God told her. "I had no idea what to say to my kids. I felt helpless." But the Lord told her he was a father to the fatherless and a husband to the widow."

Childhood sweetheart
The Lord said to her: "I know how you loved your husband. I loved him more." She had met her husband when she was 14. He was her childhood sweetheart and when he committed suicide she had known him for 21 years.

Meagan encouraged women to share their testimonies. She quoted Revelations 12: 11, "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony."

Bonani said God should take first place in our lives. She said God blesses us but we make those blessings idols. We "dethrone" God and put those things first, in place of Him. Such things can be family, our husband, our children, our education, church and even our calling.

Race
She said people even put pride in their race first instead of God. Being Zulu herself, she said Zulus were extremely proud. "The Zulus are still mourning King Shaka," she exclaimed. "It's pride in race that can make a small place like Mossel Bay so divided." Bonani said education could also be a graven image people worshipped. People went on to achieve degree and qualification after qualification, but it did not fill the space meant to be filled by God. "Jesus is enough for us," she said. Her business was simply a tool to finance her and her husband's ministry.

Nadia Lemmetuis, an image consultant, spoke on the four main body shapes of women and how to dress each of them. She said she grew up poor and there was often not enough food.

Hunger pangs
Some nights she would take medicine to ease the hunger pangs and be able to sleep. Her mother, a domestic worker, used to bring quality adult clothing home, given to her by her employer. "My love for clothes started then," Nadia said. She had to jazz up the clothes and make them look young. She felt she did not belong among her peers and did not go to the parties they did. "Why was I at home while they were at parties? God did not want me there for a reason." She said she realised she was kept away from harm such as experimenting with substances and an unwanted pregnancy.

Divorce
Berenice also shared some of her testimony. Being a divorcee, she said: "Divorce is not easy. Don't think people took the easy way out with divorce. Women go through a lot."

However, she added: "Some people walk out too easily, others hold on for too long." She said she had found it easier leaving her husband than walking away from a relationship she had after her divorce.

She put up with more than she had put up with, with her husband. She realised it was because she did not want to be on her own. She admitted she ended up being really depressed after that relationship ended.

'It hurts like hell.'
She said it hurt to think of a man loving another woman, prospering with another woman. "It hurts like hell." But God said to her: "Trust me with your heart." She needed to become whole in that area.

After the conference women had the opportunity to go forward for prayer. Berenice referred to the woman in the Bible who was part of a crowd and went forward and touched the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed instantly. "Jesus can do it for us," she said. The women who went forward received prayer and Berenice also prayed for all who attended. Many in the audience were moved, touched by her prayers and encouragement, and in tears.

Architect and business owner Bonani Mkhize, legal adviser Meagan Wolhuter, conference organiser and hostess Berenice Kogana and image consultant Nadia Lemmetuis.