MOSSEL BAY NEWS - Young people have gone off to university and there may be parents who are suffering “empty nest syndrome”.

Local clinical psychologist Fanie van Wyk, who has a practice in Hartenbos, notes that empty nest syndrome might not only be experienced by parents of university children, but also those whose children start boarding school.

Van Wyk points out: "On the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) website, empty nest syndrome is listed as one of the major reasons for people calling for help, so it is not a myth.

"But not everyone suffers it the same way; similarly people experience grief in different ways.”

Loss
"More women than men suffer empty nest syndrome. It can be experienced as a loss of meaningfulness or purpose, the loss of their role as a mother and a loss of company if they miss their children.

"Not only home-based mothers, but also those in full-time jobs can be affected."

Van Wyk suggests looking at psychologist Erik Erikson's stages of psychosocial development. Erikson believed people experience a conflict in each stage that serves as a turning point in development. The child leaving home - the adolescent - is in stage four, which spans the age 12 to 18. In this stage the conflict is identity vs role confusion. If someone is successful in this stage, he will develop his identity: a sense of self and what he wants in life. This is done through experimenting and trying different roles.

Difficult
Van Wyk says: "This can be a difficult time, when adolescents may show oppositional or rebellious behaviour, trying different versions of themselves to see what adult self they would like to achieve.

"It is a stage of confusion for everyone in the home."

According to Van Wyk, if the adolescent leaves home during this rebellious phase, the parent may feel: "I tried to bring my child up with values, but what has happened now? Where did I go wrong?" The mother may ask: "Is it my fault or my child's?"

If her child leaves home with this confusion, the mother could be more worried than usual about the child's welfare and wonder: "Did I do all I could have done?"

The mother is most often in Erikson's "middle adulthood" phase, stage 7 - aged 40 to 65, in which the conflict is generativity (productivity) vs stagnation.

Development
Generativity involves the way in which one contributes to the development of others and entails activities involving mentoring others, including children.

The mother could feel she is productive and has contributed positively or think she has failed.

There are a number of variables that may affect the symptoms they may experience, such as whether the child is an only child or not.

Van Wyk says the mother could even experience loss if her first child leaves home while other siblings are still in her care. A specific child may trigger more feelings of loss due to a special relationship that has been established. It also depends on how much of her time and energy was invested in a specific child.

Depression
It should be noted that in severe cases, depression may be an underlying syndrome.

Van Wyk says marital tension may heighten when children do not act as a buffer between the spouses anymore.

"It is all about healthy adaptation. We all have to go through life stages and the way we go through them makes all the difference," Van Wyk says.

"It is suggested that a parent or even parents suffering from the empty nest syndrome should soon engage in new roles within the community or start a part-time job. A good and healthy routine, focusing on building a new self-concept is paramount."

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