MOSSEL BAY NEWS - Not all households are united and not all children live with both their parents, but the lack of arrangements for parents with joint custody following the announcement of a national lockdown, were disappointing and roughly negligent, says Louise Karsten.
After the announcement by our president that South Africa would enter into a national lockdown, my first thoughts were: Where will my children be, and how will we co-parent during this period?
Worse, how will we (and they) cope with the situation, should the lockdown be extended?
Their father, who is also my friend, suggested they stay with him on a farm on the outskirts of another town, almost three towns away from my workplace and home.
I agreed to his idea, as there is certainly no better space for a child to roam during a lockdown period, other than on a farm. There they can swim, ride horses, run around and go on game drives.
We also agreed, prior to the announcement, that the children would spend a week-long holiday with him.
I have been away from my children for seven nights at most, but never for longer than that. I trust their father completely, and he is the best father to them, but my youngest daughter just turned seven years old and it worried me that she would feel rejected in some sort of way, should I not be able to get to her within a couple of days.
She does not understand the circumstances, even though I sat her and her older sister down to explain in the simplest, most honest terms, what it is all about.
The idea of not being able to see my children for three weeks, drove me insane. But, the fact that we were told that we are not allowed to drive, except for emergency reasons, such as buying food and medicine, and the idea that I would be completely blocked from seeing my daughters left my stomach turning.
I discussed my concerns and anxiety with their father and he was generous enough to invite me along. The farm consists of a couple of cottages on the premises and he said I could also bring my dog.
The idea of not having access to my children was a huge mountain in my mind and above anything else, my motherly instinct told me what to do, long before my head figured it out.
Meanwhile, my company gave us permission to work from home during the lockdown. The farm then became an option for me to go to, too. But, due to the sensitive nature of our circumstances I first wanted to do my homework and I only had two days since the announcement to do so.
No answers
I started my investigation by phoning child welfare, to see if I could get some sort of pass that would allow me to travel within the 21 day period, the two hours distance to my children. My idea was to stay in Mossel Bay for about ten days before joining them on the farm until the lockdown ends, or something like that. Or, I just wanted to make sure that I could travel to them, in case they needed me.
Child welfare, social workers, a judge that I know personally, a state prosecutor and police contacts were all in the dark about the possibilities for divorced parents with custody rights. I made about twenty phone calls to various departments and due to the nature of my job, I tried to get as much information as possible from reliable authorities about what my options would be.
No one could give me a certain answer. No one knew. A minister's spokesperson also did not have any answers. And many of them told me that I should also consider the possibility that should the lockdown be extended, I would possibly have to go to extreme measures, such as pertaining a permit from the court in order to get to my daughters.
I find it extremely disappointing, that whilst these are extraordinary times, family matters were not given the same serious considerations by government, considering that the announcement and arrangement affected millions of parents and children in South Africa.
After two days of distress I still had no clarity whatsoever on co-parenting regulations during the lockdown and the clock was ticking.
No one knew the answers and it became very clear that this topic was below on the list of priorities.
I completely understand the seriousness of the measures, but it worries me extremely that that there were no clear directives for people in our type of situation.
It later became clear that children had to stay with the parent they were with at the time of the lockdown, or that children had to be moved around before the deadline for the lockdown.
What did parents do, who are divorced but live in different provinces? Did they urgently book flights? Did they agree that the child would stay with the visiting parent for three weeks, as this announcement came mid a school holiday? How will a toddler cope with this sort of arrangement? And how did parents, who are not on speaking terms (of which there are many) deal with this situation? Can you imagine the anxiety of a mother or father who had to leave his/her child in the care of an untrustworthy parent for three weeks? Can you imagine the scale of abuse that would likely escalate in this timeframe in unhealthy homes?
I feel that this important aspect of our society was emotionally neglected by government and that the system failed many parents, but worse, many children too, on an emotional level in our country.
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