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MOSSEL BAY NEWS AND VIDEO - There has been a number of unexpected deaths in the Mossel Bay community recently.
Besides deaths related to Covid-19, the community has been shaken by sudden deaths owing to strokes, heart attacks and accidents.
The Mossel Bay Advertiser interviewed a local clinical psychologist regarding guidelines for dealing with grief.
Tjaart van der Walt said what made the grieving process harder for people were the lockdown regulations.
It was now harder for people to come to terms with the death of a loved one. Van der Walt said currently he found himself counselling people who had difficulty grieving under current circumstances.
"With Covid-19 deaths, one is not allowed to see the body. People saw their loved one alive and then they saw the grave." It sometimes made it harder for people to accept a loved one had died if they did not see the body, Van der Walt said.
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Tough on families
"Also, only 50 people are allowed at a funeral, whereas there could be 100 to 150 people in one family." This was tough on families.
Van der Walt points out that under stricter lockdown regulations a few months back, people were not even allowed to travel between provinces. Trying to attend a funeral was even harder. Permits had to be arranged.
"We have few rituals left in the modern era. Now even those few, have been taken away," he noted. Van der Walt points out that 100 years ago, people would dig a grave themselves, a body would be in a room in a house so that people could view it and "say goodbye" and people all wore black to demonstrate they were grieving.
Now, processes associated with death are taking longer and causing extra stress for the bereaved.
"With Covid-19, some government departments have been closed, so administrative functions which usually take a few months, now take longer, such as dealing with estates of the deceased."
Although Van der Walt agrees there are various stages of grief and it is important for people to know what to expect, he says the traditionally accepted "five stages of grief" should not be seen as a "recipe". They were not always chronological, nor did they always take place one at a time, and each person's grief was unique.
Five stages
The five stages or aspects of the grieving process are: denial and shock; anger; asking why; depression and crying; and then some form of negotiation and acceptance.
Van der Walt said it was a problem when people sank into full-blown depression during the grieving process. Usually grieving people could still laugh and experience enjoyment, but a severely depressed person could not get out of a depressed mood.
If the person had suicidal thoughts or was planning suicide, they should see someone, especially if these thoughts arose after two to three weeks.
They should go to a doctor, psychologist or pastor. Van der Walt said it was not a weakness to seek help. People should see it as using a resource.
He said it was important the grieving person did not isolate themselves for too long. "You will make the process more difficult," he said. "Some 'alone time' is okay, but you must still have social contact and keep yourself occupied. Don't simply sit in a chair."
He advised people to get enough sleep, sit in the sun for a half hour each day, walk or exercise and eat healthily. "Spend some time with friends and family."
Van der Walt has a Masters degree in clinical psychology from the then University of Potchefstroom. He has been living in the Mossel Bay area since 1997.
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