LIFESTYLE NEWS - Living with a teenager can make your home seem like a battlefield…
We seem to be involved in conflict with our teens over every imaginable subject under the sun. You name it and we’ve butted heads over it: Grades, tattoos, music, movies, hairstyles, pants length, study habits or politics. How do we choose which disagreement is worth our time and not make everything a constant battle?
LIFESTYLE NEWS - Living with a teenager can make your home seem like a battlefield. The inner struggle between adulthood and childhood that is raging inside a teenager often leads to conflict between the teenager and his or her parents.
What are the battles you will have with your teen? There are only two kinds of battle you will ever have with your teen; those that really aren’t worth fighting in the first place, and those that you can’t afford to lose.
It pays to bear in mind that words never perfectly express what we mean, and our teens have not yet developed the vocabulary to express their feelings in words. This can lead to miscommunication and constant conflict. An essential parenting skill is to listen without any prejudgement, or jumping to conclusions, or trying to resolve or fix every problem they might have. Teens are less likely to rebel if they feel they are at least heard.
When is a battle with your teenager not worth the fight?
- When there is a low probability of winning without doing excessive damage to your relationship.
- When you reflect on the situation, and winning the battle isn’t as important as you originally thought.
- When there is likely to be another time when you can raise this issue with your teen and maybe in a different way and a better mood.
- When you could win on the immediate issue but lose badly in terms of the relationship you have with your teen.
Saying “No”
Parents also need to bear in mind that saying ‘no’ to everything will create more battles that are totally meaningless. You have to expect a certain measure of conflict during the teen years. Parents should exercise some discernment, if they do not, they may end up alienating their teenagers.
