We all know the adage, a fool and his money are soon parted.

What many of us don't know is that there is more to it.

Even more so when the fool is in love.

We've all heard of romance scams. From research, they're quite lucrative too, for the scammers, of course. For the victims, not so much. 

In the US over 70 000 cases were reported in 2023, and in South Africa while only 190 cases were reported in 2020, a whopping R178 million was lost by the victims, making the average just short of R1 million per victim. I shudder to think what the amount is now.

At the time, South Africa was 18th on the list as far as reported cases (a total of 190) were concerned but 2nd for highest amounts lost per person, with China holding first place with an average of R1.2 million per person. How many of these scams are still ongoing, and have thus, not been reported?

It's also not to say that those people losing the money are millionaires. On the contrary, they're regular men and women who end up doing whatever it takes, including selling assets or taking out astronomical loans to lay their hands on money to send to their "soulmates".

I personally know of two people who have fallen prey to these criminals, both educated women, one with a PhD in Chemistry, the other a retired school teacher. Both are also local ladies, from Mossel Bay. Sadly, I'm sure they're not the only victims in our town that have been hoodwinked by shrewd, manipulating "long-term suitors".

Scam stories

Aside from their tertiary qualifications, these two ladies both share another trait: loneliness. The former is a divorced mother of two teenage children who was boarded due to a medical condition that rendered her unable to work. At the time she was scammed she was in her forties. The other lady who was scammed more recently is a 77-year-old widow.

Their stories are eerily similar, not only in how they "met" the "loves of their lives", but also in what their loved ones (both family and friends) went through in trying to convince them that "their loves" weren't who they said they were.

Both women were first contacted on a chat platform, Facebook Messenger is apparently popular with scammers, with what seemed to be an attempt at friendship by "men" whose profile pictures looked like they had been taken by a professional photographer.

Both "men" were "South Africans" that had "high-paying jobs" abroad; in this instance the UK (one in England, the other in Scotland). Both were widowed, with adult children. Both were born on special days like December 25th or January 1st, and both were seeking love.

The chats started out innocently enough, and as time progressed the hormones that flood one's brains when we're falling in love started to take root. It was then that promises of gifts and visits were made, but they never materialized, because something always happened. One excuse was "my passport has expired, and I'm being detained", another was "I want to come and visit you, but I have been asked to extend my contract", to "I can't send the gifts for your children because my mother has taken ill".

Red flags

Most people would see some kind of red flag, but when one's brain is flooded with oxytocin from bonding with a potential "companion", it's not easy to think rationally. It wasn't long after that, that the requests for money started coming. 

"I need money to pay The Crown to release me from detention, my Love. It's only R250", "I can get an early release from my contract in December, but I won't be able to afford flight tickets then, can you help, my Darling", "My mother is better now, I sent the gifts, but there is Customs duty payable in South Africa, please pay it so long, I will pay you back when I make you my wife". 

Both women paid money to help "their soulmates", or purchased top-of-the-range cell phones, and were lauded with gratitude, activating another brain chemical, dopamine, which brings about euphoria, not unlike that induced by drug or alcohol addiction.

Despite broken promises, these women felt compelled to help every time they were asked to do so, especially after they mention marriage being on the cards. One went as far as selling a property close to Cape Town, the other her car and other fixed assets. Both also lost thousands in cash. The widow has all but lost her entire pension, along with the inheritance left to her by her late husband.

In speaking to a friend this week, she too mentioned an elderly lady who visited, needing help to transfer money to three of her "friends" cell phone numbers - one of whom was using a well-known actor's photo as their profile picture.

This elderly lady does not want to believe that her "friend" would have stolen someone's photo off the internet to swindle her. Oh no, he would never do that – he's a good person, he told me he went to church on Sunday. 

To her it is just R100 every now and then and she's helping her "friend". When asked if she had ever met this "friend" in person, she replied that she hadn't. The other two had photos of 'regular' people on WhatsApp, but they too were not known to the ladies in real life.

The families and friends of these victims also go through hell. Watching someone you admire fall prey to a scam is devastating. Frustration goes together with the devastation, because often no amount of talking, begging, or even placing rock solid evidence in front of the victims is enough to bring them back to reality. 

They are completely enveloped in the fantasy that has been created for them and to feel the surge of dopamine again is what they come to live for. It is all-consuming.

In one instance, a family member approached the police with proof her mother was being scammed, only to be told that their hands are tied – her mother willingly gave her money away, and until she as the victim comes forward, there's not much that lawfully can be done.

Pointers

So, the question begs, how can one avoid making the same financially disastrous mistake? Read more about this in next week's Mossel Bay Advertiser.